They say when things come to you in threes, the universe is trying to tell you something. I’m not sure where that comes from but I was raised with the Father, Son and Holy Ghost so I guess I always had three entities meant to be guiding me?
The other morning I was listening to Mel Robbin’s “Let Them” Audible’s chapter 10 (How to Make Comparison Your Teacher) getting ready for my day at SXSW. Before heading out, I popped into my inbox to check email only to find Nir Eyal’s “Nir and Far” newsletter’s subject: Is Comparison the “Thief of Joy?” It was a stunning reaffirmation by Nir Eyal confirming much of Robbin’s points: the idea of upward comparison that many of us know so well; the tendency to compare ourselves to those who are seemingly doing “better” than us; and lamenting our own shortcomings which fuels so much of our anxiety and depression. Instead, why don’t we engage in downward comparisons and realize we actually have so much more than others that we can be thankful for. Why not seek gratitude rather than ruminating over what we perceive to be missing in our lives. Eyal cites research that has shown money no longer contributes to emotional well-being at around $60-$75K annually. He reports that people earning >$95K are more likely to report lower life satisfaction and he goes on to offer advice to make healthier comparisons.
Feeling as if I had a MasterClass on the subject from Robbins and Eyal, I hit up LinkedIn to practice these tools and came upon a post from one of my students, Annika Chudzik, about guess what? “Defeating the Illusion of Self-Comparison.” The perspective of a young person juxtaposed with wisdom from those older, who are reflecting on the past versus thinking about how one wants to shape their future was an interesting, well, comparison. Chudzik’s message was the same, but her perspective was different. She says, “To try to walk another’s path is a futile task and many would find that in times where self-comparison and doubt arise, one is more focused on desiring the momentary perceived successes of another than the desire to walk in that person’s shoes altogether.”
What does any of this have to do with a blog about data privacy? It is a perfect example of how while messages seem to be pushed to us from people listening to our conversations, tracking our every move, sometimes it’s just coincidence. Most of the time it is because we are open to a message and are simply paying attention. Sure, Apple/Audible may have stored the fact that I downloaded Mel Robbin’s best-selling book and technically could have recorded that I was listening Chapter 10 that morning (although that part is doubtful). But that information was not sent to Nir Eyal and Annika Chudzik immediately spurring them to write pieces about the very same topic and get the newsletter sent within the hour and the LinkedIn post into my feed ASAP.
It was a coincidence. One that is actually a well-documented psychological phenomenon that I explain in my TEDx talk. So, I challenge you over the next couple of days to take note of things that seem to keep coming up for you in the analog world. It happens all the time. While advertisers are looking for signals from you to attempt to reach the right person at the right time with the right message, sometimes it is just you. You, paying attention to things that matter most to you in that moment.